Name:
Christina Katbe
Instructer’s
name: Dania Adra
Class:
English 203
28
October 2015
Marriage
Sex before marriage is a very controversial topic, some people are in
favor of it while others aren’t. In an article by Jill Filipovic, she tries to
argue why sex before marriage is the favorable approach, however; the weakness
of her arguments prove that this is in fact not true. The first argument she
poses is that” waiting until marriage means early marriage and conservative
views on marriage and gender (Filipovic 1)”. This is a generalization that does
not provide a solid argument at all, considering people who wait till marriage don’t
necessarily have to marry at a young age. There’s also no reason why this view
should be criticized; honoring the
sanctity of marriage and sharing this intimate experience with one person doesn’t
make people conservative, rather it strengthens their bond to the person they
each marry, because they were able to give their partner something they’ve
never given to anyone before. Having sex
with each person you have a long term relationship with and thinking that you have
found the one each time is ridiculous, mostly because people reach a point in a
relationship where they are so overwhelmed with emotion towards the other
person, they cease to think of what will happen if the relationship doesn’t
work out. In most cases, people have to go through many relationships before
they find the one person they are ready to commit to, and most of their relationships
fail. It’s important to not belittle sex by considering it to only be something
physical, it’s not! It’s not a sport, feeling good after having sex shouldn’t be
considered the same as feeling good after you work out at the gym. The author proceeds to comment on the benefits
of having gender egalitarian marriages, however why is there an association
between couples waiting till marriage and gender egalitarianism. Not having sex
till marriage doesn’t mean that the marriage wouldn’t be based on a mutual
relationship between the man and the woman. The author continues to say :”Sexual morality isn't about how long you
wait. It's about how you treat yourself and the people you're with (Filipovic
1)”. Here the author is
battling an unrelated argument, it’s not about how long you wait, it’s about
how many people you’re willing to share this intimate experience with. This
experience is supposed to be special, handling another person’s body, emotions,
insecurities and trust all at once isn’t something that should be taken
lightly. When the couple is married they are vowing to honor, respect, and care
for each other irregardless of any external problems they will face, only then
should the couple take on the responsibility
of having sex. The author then refers to sex as a fundamental human pleasure.
She forgets to mention the emotional baggage that accompanies it. Being
careless when it comes to sex can significantly damage a person; having sex
with someone who turns out to not care about you can inflict immeasurable
emotional and psychological pain. Sex is not only a human pleasure, it’s the
highest form of intimacy people can experience with each other. The author then argues against viewing
premarital sex as a morally tainted process, but this isn’t the argument. There’s
nothing immoral about a couple having sex; the argument is based on the degree
of importance people give to sex. The author sais:” And while the old adage tells women that men won't buy the
cow if they can get the milk for free, if I'm buying a cow, you can bet I'm
going to make sure the milk is to my liking (Filipovic
1)”.The comparison is beyond
out of place, buying a cow isn’t the same as getting married. Extracting milk
from a cow isn’t the same as a couple being intimate. Even if someone would
marry a person they’ve already slept with, the fact that the couple was open to
being completely intimate with each other, even though they weren’t sure they
would stay together demeans the importance of sex. The author also sais: “wait-till-marriage
camp, waiting to have sex won't protect you from heartache, frustration or love
lost (Filipovic 1).” While waiting till marriage may not protect
people from a broken heart, it definitely will decrease the pain they feel
after the breakup. Every intimate moment you ever spend with someone, and every
kiss or touch does matter, it’s ridiculous to just say they were nice moments
and move on, because they were more than that, they are moments that you will
remember and be affected by for a significantly long time.
The author does make some good points on sex
before marriage when she sais:” sexual compatibility is necessary for
a great marriage, You really can't tell if you're sexually compatible unless
you have sex(Filipovic 1).” If a couple have incompatible sexual drives, it may cause
discomfort and awkwardness between them. The author’s explanation on
strengthening relationships through complete intimacy is also not entirely wrong.
Some people feel the need to physically express how much they care about each other
. Her emphasis on the fact that sex is not dirty is true. I don’t believe that
people who have premarital sex are dirty or tainted.
Works cited
Filipovic, Jill. "Why Sex Before Marriage Is the Moral Thing to
Do." Alternet. N.p., 24 Sept. 2012.
moodle
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